My mother passed away 7 years ago on Oct 1. My father did fairly well on that day. We cleared out her room at Touchmark together and we went to get Jamaican food to celebrate her life with us. We had known her end was near so my Dad and I along with my daughter when she could, would go and sing to her for the 3 weeks (daily) leading up to her passing.
I wasn’t sure how to grieve. As we were leaving the care facility, one of Mom’s regular helpers caught my eye and she stopped and simply howled. Loudly. I stared at her and then burst into tears. Her visceral reaction helped me. And yes, then we ran to each other and embraced.
My Dad’s brother from Winnipeg came about a week after my mother passed away, and we all jumped in the car and went to Jasper for 3 nights. It was amazingly rejuvinating and it helped my father tremendously. It helped all of us.
But….my Dad was bereft and despondent for a good 3 years after my mother passed away. I didn’t know how to help him. I tried many things. But it turns out, he needed time and in the end, dementia may have helped too. As his demenita progresses, he seems more stable emotionally. I don’t know if this is normal.
Of course, when he was first diagnosed, he was depressed. Well, at first he didn’t believe it and then when he accepted it, he was very depressed. So that took another few years. But again, dementia itself has taken the memory of the dementia diagnosis away. Now he believes he is simply “getting older” and “more forgetful”. We’re fine with that. He doesn’t need to be reminded about the word “dementia”. There’s just no point.
I chatted with my Dad about Mom today but he was very transfixed watching an incredible pianist play some Chopin. I suppose I should have turned off the TV but maybe not…. I know he still misses her and he did say so. He was surprised that it has been 7 years. Me too.
