I feel like I’m standing in the storm and I still haven’t seen the light breaking. (but wait, ’cause light is indeed showing) I’m willing to withstand the storm but it’s hard when there is no light. So, I’m making my own light! (well truthfully, others showed me the light – keep reading)
Turns out that communication is a huge and ongoing problem for all the agencies that are supposed to help us as we age. All of them. Okay, fine and so be it. I thought I could outsmart them with patience and politeness but nope, that didn’t help at all. I thought I would outsmart them by diligently and carefully wording and then rewording everything I said out loud to them and doing follow up emails with those some words but nope, didn’t help at all.
All the people have been lovely but strangely unfazed and totally unperturbed by how things aren’t working. I think they all believe that this is just the way it is and there’s nothing that can be done and nothing can change. Not me. I fiercely hope. I fiercely believe that change is possible. No, not always….sometimes the storm batters me too hard and I’m just drenched.
But for the most part, I remain myself.
Hopeful. Yes, this is why a lot of my shows are about hope I suppose.
No, not for the system but rather for individuals who take small and even big steps to either push back or to help.
In fact, I’ve realized that while venting and railing is important, it’s also equally important to know when to stop walking that path otherwise it just taints everything….for lack of a better way of putting it….does that make sense? I need to put myself on a path of joy instead of anger.
Let me give you not one but 10(!) examples of why I still hold onto hope and how I found the light:
#1 – someone from within our So Noted choir called to offer that they would come and sit with/visit with Dad for a few hours anytime we need it. And she’s not the first one to offer this from our choirs!
#2 – someone from within our So Noted choir offered to chat about their experience with AHS and long term care and how finances play into that
#3 – someone from within our Forte Plus choir reached out to say that mirtazapine had helped them tremendously and that they understood
#4 – someone from within our Forte Plus choir reached out to simply ask how things were going with my Dad
#5 – my cousin contacted me to offer her help navigating our system despite the fact that she works in the Saskatchewan system
#6 – my brother and his partner offered to come and stay in our home for up to one or two weeks if we ever feel like we need a longer break
#7 – someone from within our So Noted choir supplied me with info about River Ridge memory care and a fab place called Infinity (AMAZING woman runs this place and has already helped tremendously)
#8 – SASHA continues to support my Dad with his weekly visitor which he just enjoys so much and totally invigorates and energizes him
#9 – I remembered a past singer called me last year to offer to come and visit with Dad and sing with him. I had forgotten all about that until just now.
#10 – a singer (I think she’s sung in all my choirs and musical theatre productions over these many years!) offered to bring a complete rib dinner to my house so we don’t have to leave Dad alone for hours in the evening.
Yes, I decided to count my blessings. And that’s my path of joy. OOH and the bonus blessing? It turns out that all of the “singers” in my life are actually all friends. We are all there for each other. Yup, it’s a community. Aren’t we lucky?! …and how did I not realize this earlier?…
This is not the blog I started to write earlier this week. That one was dark and showed many clouds with strong blinding lightning, ear splitting thunder and drenching rain. The one I ended up writing came about because I decided to not only take back control of my time and my Dad’s life but to also simply allow all of you to affect me. Your hope and your care made a huge impact on me this week.
I thank you.
