So Noted Singers & Forte Plus

me, my dad and dementia #15 – raise your voice

#15 – raise your voice

In the lingo of let’s say oh….choir(!)….this post is about making your voice heard and making sure we look after each other properly as we age.
 
When we moved my mother from our home to her first long-term care facility many years ago, it was not an easy task and there were quite a few hoops to jump.  But it was manageable and possible.   We waited just under 3 months before we had a place.  No, it was not a great place.  But a few really nice people worked there and we were very grateful.

But now….it is no longer manageable nor possible.  

Neither a geriatrician nor a GP can simply sign off on wanting to put someone on a wait list for a publicly funded care facility anymore.  You can no longer get your foot in the door by asking for a few home care services or attending group activities.  Nope.  And you cannot simply ask for someone to come and do an assessment of someone anymore unless of course, you know how to answer the questions they will ask you over the phone…..then, and only then, and with much reluctance will they come.

I have spoken with several AHS people over the phone these past many months.  All lovely folks.  All have had their hands firmly tied behind their backs by structure and government.  All of them frustrated.  

My father can walk properly, dress himself, bathe himself, feed himself, think clearly many times throughout the day, carry on a pretty decent and fluid conversation and inserts witty comments to boot sometimes.  Therefore….he fails.  bbzzz  AHS will not come to do an assessment.  

He’s doing too well and he lives with us.  Big drawback.  If he were living on his own, they might come to see what’s going on….might….  The people I talked to were very clear – unless I was willing to lie, I couldn’t even expect a visit from AHS.  period.
 
He needs to get much worse and I will then need to quit my job to look after him until such time as AHS can come to do an assessment followed by them sending someone many weeks later to button his shirt.  I pointed this out to AHS and they said “well that would be your choice to quit your job during that interim time”.  They didn’t want to say it by the way.  There was great hesitancy on their side when I pushed them for the truth.  But their hands are very tied.

They want people to stay in their own homes as long as possible.  
 
Sounds great.  
Sounds lovely.  
Sounds insane.
 
How do they expect this to work?  With absolutely no help or supports whatsoever?  Even if I could get home care to come, I was told there was no guarantee that they would come regularly since most of them are contracted and well, life gets in the way….they get sick, their child gets sick, etc etc.  All understandable of course.  But is it?  Is this how our system should work?

Doesn’t really matter since they won’t come.  This is why many people say if your parent ends up in the hospital, you need to refuse to take them home.  Yes, you read that correctly.  This is widely known.  It’s the only way to get someone on a waitlist for a long-term or assisted care facility.

So now I have to hope he slips and falls and breaks a hip?!  UNbelievable.

Ah but what of money you ask?  Indeed, the entire system is about money.  Nothing else but money.  The public system is about saving as much of it as possible and the private system is about getting you to pay as much of it as possible.

I’ve written letters to government and to AHS over the years but never once have I received a response.  Again, understandable.  People who work there are busy.  I get it.  

But I really don’t get it.  How can we do this to our elderly?  How can we do this to ourselves?

Time to raise my voice.  I will not be silenced.  This is fuelled by love so I will never stop.  This is for all of us.  
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