Well the trip was lovely. Not exactly totally relaxing but still really really lovely. We’ve discovered that if we simply spend every waking moment with my Dad while on our holidays, it goes much better. Last summer we tried to take some time to ourselves while in Canmore and that didn’t work so well….Dad felt annoyed, upset, confused, lost, angry, sad, etc. So now we just embrace being together 24/7 and all is well.
We ate great food, we went on walks (albeit very slow ones), we did a tiny bit of shopping (I refer you to the slow walking), we did a lot of driving and we watched the boats and planes go by from our dining room over the harbour in Victoria.
I realized on this trip that I have no way of knowing if Dad is even changing his socks and underwear on a daily basis. I know, I know….this feels like too much information but we would talk about this in regards to our children so why not talk about it in regards to our elderly?
I flippantly said to someone at the Cleopatra show that I was “raising an 87 year old” and then laughed. Later, I realized that is exactly what I’m doing.
So, let’s talk about that. We tie his shoes when he finds it tough to bend over. We clip his toenails when again, he finds it tough. We explain things on the TV or radio to him when he doesn’t understand. We hand him his word puzzle books to keep him occupied in the car when we dash into a service station to buy a bottle of water and some gum. We make, serve and reheat food for him. We dole out his meds. We cut his hair. We make sure he has gloves, a hat and a scarf wherever we go and then we remember to quickly grab them when he leaves them behind. We put a cane into his hand at every opportunity. We help him into and out of the car plus hand him his seatbelt. We make sure to hand him a glass of restorolax every other day to keep him regular. We make and then take him to all appointments. We buy him treats. We load his favorite music to our phones. We pack his clothes and unpack his clothes. We order for him at restaurants. We point out many interesting views/people/vegetation/ to him as we travel that he would otherwise miss. The list could go on but I’m sure you get the picture.
We are indeed raising an 87 year old. This isn’t about what we repeat and repeat to him when he asks the same question over and over. This is about caring for him and looking after him the way you would with your own children.
I suppose we all come full circle as we age – it just feels extremely evident to me now. So when I joke that I’m “like” his parent….it’s actually no joke. I am his parent. And yet…..it’s not what I expected at this age and time in my life…to be raising an 87 year old….
I suppose I need to manage my expectations – I’m working on it!
2 Responses
❤️ and you are doing it all with love and grace.
I know that at times it is hard and that this is not what you and Bart were expecting or thinking that was going to happen as you aged. My Mother also lived with us. But I would have given my eye teeth to be able to do this for my mother. Losing my mom when she was only 63 so young and seeing all the extra years you got to spend with your Dad is a blessing and yes at times not so much . In the distant future you will look back and remember it all ,the good times and the bad . So many years to remember.💕