I don’t know….maybe….maybe it’s time we started looking seriously for a place for my Dad….I don’t know.
After my husband’s detached retina and subsequent surgery which changed our day to day lives plus our summer plans, we realized that we live “on a razor’s edge”. If something happens to one of us, the burden of care falls to the other completely. Definitely doable for a few weeks or perhaps even months (depending on which months), but not for the long term.
We also discovered after searching our feelings and doing up a pros and cons list, that we would indeed like to reclaim our lives after all these years of first looking after my mother and now my father.
But guilt….
And the pros for Dad definitely lie in living with us here. He will absolutely do better if he stays with us for as long as is possible. So, what’s truly possible for us vs what’s just us “wishing”? It is indeed still possible so we must consider that. Does wishing figure into this? Yes. But we also have “wishes” for my Dad. This is so angst ridden for me!
And after meeting with an amazing person at a nearby private (read as “expensive”) assisted living facility, we think I can now talk to AHS and not feel like I have to lie. She gave me a new perspective despite the facility not being a good fit for my Dad because of his dementia.
AHS typically asks the three big following questions:
1) can he feed himself?
Answer – no he cannot since he cannot buy his own groceries, make his own food or even remember when to eat nor look after food storage or spoilage properly. All of that is done for him right now.
2) can he dress himself?
Answer – no he cannot since he needs help to figure out what to wear that is appropriate for the weather. He wants to wear his parka when it’s +30 and his lightweight jacket when it’s -30. He also needs help to remember to put on his compression stockings when his feet and ankles swell (which is daily) and needs physical help to do it. (well, those compression stockings are quite stubborn!)
3) can he walk without assistance?
Answer – no he cannot since he needs a cane for stability (but won’t always use it) and often needs help to arise from a chair. He moves very slowly and carefully and often with assistance.
So do I talk to his doctor and then call AHS? AHS will try to talk me into keeping him at home but there are many good reasons for me to be strong and insist upon moving him. And yet, there are many good reasons to keep him here with us.
This is going to be tough. I won’t lie to you. I know the pros and I know the cons. I suppose when they are no longer equally balanced, our decision will be made.
