I’m living with dementia. No no, not my own! …although there are certainly times I do indeed wonder about my brain….well, don’t we all?!
I am (along with my husband) live-in caregiver to my 87 year old father who has been diagnosed with early stages of dementia. I know – “early” ain’t half bad! But of course it’s a progressive disease and also a bit of a roller coaster disease. And yes, ups and downs emotionally for all of us, but what I really mean is that the disease itself is unpredictable. Some days he improves! What?! Yup.
And guess what he keeps going back to again and again? Besides his traumatic childhood living through World War 2 of course. Music. He loves to sing, he still plays his violin a little and he loves to listen to music. But mostly, he loves to sing in the two choirs of So Noted and Forte Plus.
This is my first blog post and I hope to put something out every Friday. Right now, as I type this, my Dad is busy banging little fruit flies with great gusto in his kitchen which shares a wall with where my desk is set up. He keeps forgetting to take out his organic garbage regularly and often leaves his dirty dishes in his sink. Fruit flies love a dirty drain. But hey, I do own a big jug of bleach! Cleaning ain’t proactive but totally works for dementia since proactive does not always work. Writing on white boards can only get you so far. More on that in my next post!
In the meantime, if any of you are fellow caregivers, lovers of choral music and choral communities, worried about your own brain or just dementia-curious, I say this to you all: Do not feel guilty about the choices you make and will have to continue to make. Guilt is just you being cruel to yourself. Do not embrace it. Be as kind and as gentle with yourself as you would with those you love. So if this all feels like too much, don’t read it and don’t feel guilty. And if you need help or have a question, just ask. We can figure it out together.
That leads me though to ask this….how does one help an 87 year old man with early stages of dementia get a consistently good sleep every single night? Anyone have any ideas for me? He does so much better when he gets a good night sleep!
Now go listen to one of my Dad’s favorite choir songs….you’ll never guess….keep in mind, that he spent most of his life listening to classical music. Ready? Bohemian Rhapsody! He LOVED singing that one. This year, I’m working on getting him to at least semi-like singing our SATB arrangement of Under Pressure. Why wouldn’t I? He’s not convinced yet….